Sunday Salon/Sunday Post – I’m Back

The Sunday

The Sunday Salon used to be a meme but was getting so huge it became unmanageable, so it is now a Facebook group that has become an informal week in review
gathering place for bloggers.

It is also a place to share our thoughts about things of a bookish nature.

SUNDAY POSTThe Sunday Post is a weekly meme hosted by
Kimba @ Caffeinated Book Reviewer
~ It’s a chance to share news~
A post to recap the past week on your blog, showcase books and things we have received and share news about what is coming up on our blog for the week ahead.


The last time I posted a Sunday Salon/Sunday Post piece was on the day of my son’s death, March 15, a post I had written the day before.  Today, 28 days later I return.

These have been the hardest days of my life, even harder than recovering from my accident that happened to occur March 14, 2001. That accident left my right side paralyzed, my son’s death is incomparable. Is the date a coincidence? I will never know.

nat444Losing a loved one is always hard, losing a child is heartbreaking, losing a child to suicide is excruciating. There are days I still believe I am still in shock. There are days the tears just flow. Most days I feel as if I am just going through the motions. There are times I feel guilt, could I have done more? what? what were the right words I didn’t say? who was the right person to contact? There are times I feel angry at both God and my son. I never should have survived my accident, several people called it a miracle. Why was I saved and my child not? I thought I had lived because God had plan for me, but I can’t believe I was saved to endure the pain of losing my first born. Then I get mad at my son, why wasn’t his daughter enough to change his choice? There are just so many questions!

I have been doing a lot of reading, pamphlets, flyers, newsletters, online articles, books. Right now there are more questions than answers. We will be joining a support group to help us through this but right now at this point in time acceptance is a long way off. I realize most of my questions won’t ever get answered. Only Kris could answer the most important ones. I understand the pain he was suffering was many times worse than the pain of those he left behind.

I am thankful for the comforting words, the prayers, the gifts to the memorial fund. I draw strength for the words and prayers each day. It really makes me wonder how moms like me got through times like this before the internet. With my disability it is hard for me to get out of the house and I am always dependent on others to get me where I want to go. Again this computer and the people I meet, new friends and old, have become my lifeline. If I am having a bad day, I post about it on Facebook and within seconds people are sending messages to pick me up or give me comfort. I can share pictures of Kris and share memories with friends and family. I can post on this blog and receive wonderful comments. This blog also gives me a reason to get my butt out of bed everyday and share books with you and meet commitments I have made.

There is nothing anyone can do to bring Kris back and I will never fully understand why he did what did but I do know he wouldn’t want the rest of us to just stop living because he did. People who have been where I am tell me the pain never fully goes away but the days do get easier, that I will be able to sleep through the night again and that my concentration will improve. They tell me I will go hours at a time without missing my son but it will take time. Hard to believe right now, but hope it is true.

I appreciate the time you have all given me so far and that you allow me to share my personal feelings in this very public place. I am already back writing reviews and while my reading speed has slowed dramatically I will do my best to meet my obligations and continue to bring guest posts, reviews, book tours and giveaways.

My post next Sunday will be back to regular format.

Happy Sunday Everyone!

Your Escape With A Good Book Travel Agent

17 thoughts on “Sunday Salon/Sunday Post – I’m Back

  1. What an eloquent expression of your pain. I am glad you will join a support group. I have found that help can come from the unlikeliest of people in the strangest places.

  2. I wish that I could give you a hug when you needed one. I would have liked to do more than contributing to the memorial fund. I am trying to complete my challenges including the alphabet soup one. I enlist my bookstore owning friends to help me find books, I would not have thought to read to help with the challenge, even children’s books.

  3. I can only imagine your pain, but being a mother, it feels as though it could happen to any of us, and I know it would be unbearable. The closest I have come to what you’re experiencing was when my 22-year-old nephew committed suicide a few years ago. Or when my brother died mysteriously….the questions do plague us.

    But eventually, we find some kind of normalcy, although the pain is never gone. Thinking of you!

  4. Nothing is like the loss of a child. My niece died five years ago and her mom and all of us who loved her miss her every day. I try to remember how much pain she was in and how she is now free of suffering. Still, some days it’s not enough.

  5. No two experiences are the same, but I lost a child in similar circumstances and I can tell you that you will get through this. Be kind to yourself and remember that anyone who tells you how you should feel or what you should do doesn’t warrant even a second of your time.

  6. I cannot imagine your pain. But as my pastor tells everyone who loses a family member, you grief journey is yours and yours alone. No two people grieves the same way or the same time. You must follow your own path, but the paths do lead to the same destination of aceptance and easing of the pain.

  7. At a time when words are so hard to find……know that you are cared for very deeply and loved greatly by so many. We can only feel some of the pain that you feel in the loss of your loved one. While we may feel helpless at times in knowing how to comfort you, the Lord knows exactly what you need. Praying He will minister peace and comfort to you in many unexpected ways and will walk with you through the coming days. I can relate more then you may realize. Please allow yourself time to grieve and work through your loss. You are on one of the most difficult pathways any parent/grandparent might confront. Over time, it does get easier, yet immense grief can appear out of the blue when least expected.Every moment of your life is in His care—and I pray that He gives you overwhelming peace and hope today and throughout the weeks and months ahead

  8. *hugs* Take all the time you need. I have never experienced this magnitude of loss, but have lost several people close to me. Sometimes, when I’m lying in bed at night, I talk to them. I know they won’t answer, but it helps me when there’s something I wanted to tell them or if I need to work out a problem.

  9. I am so, so sorry about the death of your son. There are no words I can offer to ease your pain but I hope that it is small comfort to know that this person, who lives across the country and has never met you, cares about your pain and will be lifting you up in prayers, for comfort and your understanding.

    I am glad to know that you are seeking a support group. I understand that your life has been altered and will never be the same but I hope, in time, you will find solace and comfort in your happy memories of your son and that you will be able to share with others what you have learned, providing them comfort, in the hopes that his death was not in vain.

  10. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your wonderful son. I don’t have the proper words to ease your pain–no one does– but just know that there are so very many people out there in the world whom you have touched with your blog… who are thinking of you and praying for your family. God bless you and help you through this sorrowful time. ((( ))) Rita

  11. Lori I didn’t know your story until you posted on Book Journey today about your loss. I came right over to see what happened and my heart hurts for you. I am so sorry and wish we lived closer so we could cry together. If you ever want to talk let me know. Love, Sheila

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