More Tales from Suburbia:
Yes, It Gets Even Crazier
by Brandi Haas
This is my first book from this author and I have not laughed so hard reading a book in a long time. The author gives us a great and hysterical look at anywhere suburbia.
More Tales from Suburbia: Yes, It Gets Even Crazier
Parenting & Relationships/Humor
PageSpring Publishing (October 12, 2016)
Paperback: 228 pages
E-Book ASIN: B01LWO33FF
Life in the suburbs ain’t easy. Squeezing into those tiny chairs on the back-to-school night. Finding the beloved pet fish floating at the top of his bowl. Planning a romantic evening –only to fall asleep on the couch with your honey.
Lucky for us, we’ve got Brandi Haas to make us laugh. As the author of the popular blog “Tales from Suburbia,” Brandi tackles the big issues of our day—like whether to pay six bucks to valet park or search for a spot and walk ten blocks to the restaurant. Her stories about the daily absurdities of life will make you laugh out loud.
Heartfelt and seriously funny, More Tales from Suburbia: Yes, It Gets Even Crazier is like sharing a bottle of wine and conversation with your best girlfriend.
I went to the local gift shop today in search of a very specific kind of card. I perused shelf after shelf of cards, but I just couldn’t find the sentiment I needed. Finally, a kindly sales lady came over.
“Can I help you find something, dear?” she said.
“Yes, I’m looking for a card for someone who has suffered recent weight-gain,” I told her.
“Oh! You’re looking for a congratulatory card for someone who is pregnant!” she said with delight in her eyes.
“No, not that kind of weight-gain; the kind that comes from a good, old-fashioned love of cheese and baked goods. You know, a card that says something like: Sorry you’re fat and your pants don’t fit anymore. Maybe one of those cards that plays music. Music makes everything better, and it might help to ease the blow of being told you’re fat.”
“Who are you planning on giving this to?” she asked with trepidation.
“It’s for me,” I explained. “I keep gaining and losing weight and I’m currently on the upswing, if you know what I mean. I need some motivation and some reassurance. And who is better at motivation and reassurance than Hallmark?
The sales lady gave me that all too familiar you-might-need-a-psychiatric-evaluation look but I saw a glimmer of sympathy in her eyes as well as she patted my shoulder and walked away.
Deep down I knew the answer I was looking for wasn’t at the gift shop, the same way I know the answer isn’t at the bottom of a half gallon of ice cream either. I guess what I am really looking for is balance. I want to be healthy and active and make choices that support those goals. I want to wear jeans with a size that has just one number. I want to wave to people and not have my arm jiggle.
But I also want to relax and enjoy a glass of wine and a piece of pie every now and then. I don’t want to worry about every single bite of food I put in my mouth. But I do. Every single bite. Should I be eating this? I earned this! This is healthy and that means I’m a good person. Oh well, I already messed up this morning with that donut, so the whole day is messed up, might as well eat my body weight in Cheetos. It should be simple, but for me it’s always been a roller coaster.
I know a lot of it is tied to my body image too. All it takes is a quick glance at the cover of Cosmo and I feel like I’m a failure. And now there are so many ad campaigns about “being real” that show women who don’t wear a size four but that just seems to beg the question: what is real and how can I be real? I want to be real and fit into my old jeans and eat cheesecake! Is that too much to ask?! But I can’t blame the media for my weight gain; I’m the one eating cheeseburgers like they might go extinct at any moment.
I guess the card I really need to send to myself should go something like this:
You’re beautiful no matter what your jean size. Don’t worry about anyone else but yourself. Eating a piece of cheesecake isn’t going to destroy your life, but neither will a good workout. Embrace the fact that you’re going to mess up, probably often, but kicking yourself when you’re down isn’t getting you anywhere.
I bet there’s a few of us out there who need this card.
About The Author
Brandi Hass is a former high school English teacher. Born and raised in California, she now lives in Missouri with her husband, daughter and their dog. She is consistently inconsistent about her weight and age because, really, it’s no one’s business anyway. She sees humor in everything and began writing stories about her life as a way to share her insanity with the world. You can read Brandi’s Blog and connect with her at talesfromsuburbia.com or follow Tales From Suburbia on Facebook.
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